I Don't Want To Lose You

I Don't Want To Lose You

(Eu Não Quero Te Perder)

Foto: Nyrium

          "Flores, por onde fores, deixem que os amores te cubram de cuidados e não que maltratem as tuas raízes" já dizia um poeta encabulado com o amor quase perdido. É, talvez, a sensação de inquietude que impera da parte de quem se doa demais, quando não é correspondido da mesma maneira. A pele é doada: é como se eu tirasse a minha própria carne e absorvesse o espírito incontrolável do outro ser. É um encaixe maldito e ao mesmo tempo vibrante. A alma cruza com a outra em um transe quase esquizofrênico. Não estou falando apenas da faísca entre corpos, mas sim, da euforia em que as almas se encontram ao serem conectadas.

Foto: Nyrium

          Gostaria de dizer todas as palavras que me possibilitam habitar dentro de quem se nega, até porque quando ela, a palavra, é dita conforme o intuito do ser profundo, pode afundar ou não o coração de quem a ouve. Pode, também, invadir completamente, causando uma destruição permanente, ou até rasgá-la por inteiro e plantar em seu peito uma mudança. Quando o outro nega a sua própria essência, significa que também irá negar o outro que quer formar uma aliança profunda. Refiro-me a uma aliança em que o complexo é inexistente e o simples faz morada no amor.

Foto: Nyrium

          Mas que amor é esse que me permite esperar tanto do outro, criar um mar de expectativas e, no primeiro alçar de velas, deixa afundar o meu coração? É isso! É a criação de várias hipóteses nulas, vagas, sem sentido e é como se já fôssemos programados a pensar subitamente no que vai dar toda essa relação. O fim antecede o começo no pensamento, mesmo que inconscientemente, e, quando paramos para perceber, a despedida consegue ser mais sentida, mais dolorosa e mais profunda do que o amor propriamente dito. O que eu vejo é incerto. Sou míope de mim mesmo. Prefiro ver tudo com os olhos do inconsciente, aquele que vagueia em meu caminho como um fantasma. Um fantasma não, um corpo em forma de nada. Isso! O amor é um corpo em forma de nada, que, com a vida em constante aperfeiçoamento, vai sendo moldado até gerar um grande monumento que pesa em nossas costas.

Foto: Nyrium

          Eu não aceito a realidade comandando os meus sentimentos. Eu nunca aceitei. Nem eu comando a mim mesmo, imagina outra coisa, logo essa coisa que corrói um peito em conflito... E, justamente por causa disso, que me tornei a pessoa mais desagradável que existe, porque minha intensidade não tem limite. Doo-me demais e acabo me doendo, esquecendo que o sufoco acaba matando a pureza do sentir e depositando em ti todo o meu ego. Na verdade, nem percebo que sufoco. Eu não quero te perder e sabe de uma coisa: eu não sei o que faria se toda essa história se despedaçasse como uma folha seca quando pisada; se toda essa vida criada juntos fosse acabada de um modo tão cru. Espero que seja um adeus infindo... Porque só assim não sofrerei com a distância. Mas olha, um adeus é um ato tão pesado e para sempre... eu não sobreviveria ao eterno desprazer de achar significado para esse ato. Pensei que o para sempre só existia no amor. 

Foto: Nyrium

          Não estou sendo um amante com um alter ego em conflito, apenas não quero perder a memória do nosso primeiro beijo, que, ardentemente, arrancou-me o ser inóspito de mim e resgatou o sublime encanto que eu perdera em minhas vazias experiências. A verdade é que quero tudo ao mesmo tempo e rápido demais, o inteiro me satisfaz e acabo perdendo a paz. Há uma confusão bicando como um monte de pássaros dentro de mim, quero alçar voo, mas junto de quem eu me apeguei, obviamente você. Custa se ausentar logo agora que a minha vida está sendo retomada ao teu lado? Eu finquei as minhas raízes na tua terra de vida, o clima árido atingiu o teu momento e lá se foi o crescimento do sentir. Sentir é preciso e só sinto quando me toca, se não toca, deixo ir. Talvez seja isso: deixar ir o que não produziu absolutamente nada em vida. 

Foto: Nyrium

    

          Não quero te perder. Mas se o nosso destino é jogar ao vento a eternidade que passei nos palcos do teu coração, que seja, eu vou respeitar essa escolha. Até porque o momento é feito de escolhas, que podem trazer ou não graves consequências. Ou uma sequência de uma nova história. Só quero entender o que você sentia ao me sentir... Era difícil como o mundo? Mas você era o meu mundo e ainda é, destruí o meu próprio universo para me alinhar aos teus planetas. Não sei, é tudo muito confuso, ilógico, inconstante. Nós somos seres incertos. O tempo é incerto e corre feito o homem com medo da morte. Ainda não quero te perder! Por enquanto, estarei aqui, só, dançando com os ventos a dança da ausência, espero que leves algo meu em teu peito; vou me ausentar de mim mesmo, vou deixar que flua constantemente e farei de tudo para que essa dor não se alastre em minhas veias. Bem, acho que já te perdi.

Texto: Jamerson Soares         
Interlocução: Anderson Vieira
Fotos: Nyrium                         

       Revisão: Maiara Padilha        

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          Essa postagem é dedicada a todos que já perderam algo ou alguém, e que sentiram falta disso. As fotos são do espetáculo "Adeus, Clarice!" apresentado nos dias 05 e 06 de agosto de 2016, no Teatro de Arena. Abaixo, mais fotos de uma despedida obscura que não merece ser esquecida.

Tradução em inglês no fim da postagem.

(English translation at the end of the post).

Foto: Nyrium

Foto: Nyrium

Foto: Nyrium

Foto: Nyrium

Foto: Nyrium

Foto: Nyrium

Foto: Nyrium

Foto: Nyrium

         

"Flowers, where have you gone, let loves cover you with cares and not mistreat your roots", once said a sheepish poet with the almost lost love. Yes, maybe, the feeling of disquietude that reigns, from the part of those who give more, when are not requited in the same way. The skin is given: it's like I took my own flesh and absorbed the uncontrollable spirit of the other being. It's a cursed fit and at the same time vibrant. The soul crosses with the other in an almost schizophrenic trance. I'm not just talking about the spark between bodies, but of the euphoria in which souls find themselves when connected.            I would like to say all the words that enable me to inhabit inside of whom denies itself, even because when it, the word, is said according the intuition of the profound being, it can drown or not the heart of whom is listening. It can also completely invade, causing a permanent destruction or even tear it in full and plant a change in its chest. When the other denies its own essence, it means that will too deny the other that wants to form a deep alliance. I refer to an alliance in which the complex is inexistent and the simple makes home in love.           But what is this love that allows me to wait so much from the other, to create a sea of expectations and in the first raise of sails, lets my heart drown? That's it! It's the creation of many null, vague, senseless hypothesis and it's like we've already been scheduled to suddenly think in what all this relationship is going to give. The end foregoes the beginning in the thought, even that unconsciously, and when we stop to realize, the farewell can be more felt, painful and profound than the love itself. What I see is uncertain. I am myopic of myself. I rather see everything with the eyes of the unconscious, the one that roams in my path like a ghost. Not a ghost, a nothing shaped body. Yes! Love is a nothing shaped body that with life in constant improvement, is being molded until it generates a big monument that weighs in our backs.           I don't accept reality commanding my feelings. I never did. Not even I command myself, imagine something else, especially this thing that corrodes a chest in conflict... And exactly because of that I have become the most unpleasant person that exists, because my intensity has no limits. I give too much and end up hurting me, forgetting that suffocation ends up killing the purity of feeling and depositing in you all my ego. Actually I don't realize that I suffocate. I don't want to lose you and you know what: I don't know what I'd do if all this story shattered like a dry leaf when stepped; if all this life created together was ended in such a raw way. I hope it is an endless goodbye... Because only this way I won't suffer with distance. But look, a goodbye is such a heavy and long action... I wouldn't survive to the eternal displeasure of finding meaning to this act. I thought forever only existed in love.          I am not being a lover with an alter ego in conflict, I just don't want to lose the memory of our first kiss that ardently ripped out of me the inhospitable being in me and rescued the sublime enchant that I once lost in my empty experiences. Truth is that I want everything at the same time and too quick, the whole pleases me and I end up losing peace. There is a confusion pecking like an amount of birds inside me, I want to take flight, but next to the one I got attached to, obviously you. Is it too much to leave just now that my life is being recovered by your side? I took roots in your land of life, the arid climate reached your moment and there it goes the growth of feeling. Feeling is needed and I only feel when you touch me, if you don't, I let it go. Maybe that's it: to let it go what didn't produce absolutely nothing in life.           I don't want to lose you. But if our fate is to throw to the wind the eternity that I've spent in the stages of your heart, so be it, I will respect this choice. Even because the moment is made of choices that can bring or not serious consequences. Or the sequency of a new story. I just want to understand what you felt by feeling me... Was it hard like the world? But you were my world and still is, I destroyed my own universe to align myself to your planets. I don't know, everything is so confusing, illogical, inconstant. We are uncertain beings. Time is uncertain and runs like the man who's afraid of death. I still don't want to lose you! For now I'll be here alone dancing with the winds the dance of absence, I hope you take something mine in your chest; I will be absent from myself, I will let it constantly flow and will make everything so this pain won't run in my veins. Well, I think I already lost you.           This post is dedicated to everyone that has already lost and missed something or someone. This pictures are from the spectacle “Adeus, Clarice!” hosted on August 5th and 6th of 2016 at Arena Theater.

         

Text: Jamerson Soares           
Interlocution: Anderson Vieira

Translation: Sofia Padilha       

Review: Maiara Padilha         
 Photos: Nyrium                      

  

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Facebook: Grupo Claricena

 "Flowers, where have you gone, let loves cover you with cares and not mistreat your roots", once said a sheepish poet with the almost lost love. Yes, maybe, the feeling of disquietude that reigns, from the part of those who give more, when are not requited in the same way. The skin is given: it's like I took my own flesh and absorbed the uncontrollable spirit of the other being. It's a cursed fit and at the same time vibrant. The soul crosses with the other in an almost schizophrenic trance. I'm not just talking about the spark between bodies, but of the euphoria in which souls find themselves when connected.

           I would like to say all the words that enable me to inhabit inside of whom denies itself, even because when it, the word, is said according the intuition of the profound being, it can drown or not the heart of whom is listening. It can also completely invade, causing a permanent destruction or even tear it in full and plant a change in its chest. When the other denies its own essence, it means that will too deny the other that wants to form a deep alliance. I refer to an alliance in which the complex is inexistent and the simple makes home in love.

          But what is this love that allows me to wait so much from the other, to create a sea of expectations and in the first raise of sails, lets my heart drown? That's it! It's the creation of many null, vague, senseless hypothesis and it's like we've already been scheduled to suddenly think in what all this relationship is going to give. The end foregoes the beginning in the thought, even that unconsciously, and when we stop to realize, the farewell can be more felt, painful and profound than the love itself. What I see is uncertain. I am myopic of myself. I rather see everything with the eyes of the unconscious, the one that roams in my path like a ghost. Not a ghost, a nothing shaped body. Yes! Love is a nothing shaped body that with life in constant improvement, is being molded until it generates a big monument that weighs in our backs.

          I don't accept reality commanding my feelings. I never did. Not even I command myself, imagine something else, especially this thing that corrodes a chest in conflict... And exactly because of that I have become the most unpleasant person that exists, because my intensity has no limits. I give too much and end up hurting me, forgetting that suffocation ends up killing the purity of feeling and depositing in you all my ego. Actually I don't realize that I suffocate. I don't want to lose you and you know what: I don't know what I'd do if all this story shattered like a dry leaf when stepped; if all this life created together was ended in such a raw way. I hope it is an endless goodbye... Because only this way I won't suffer with distance. But look, a goodbye is such a heavy and long action... I wouldn't survive to the eternal displeasure of finding meaning to this act. I thought forever only existed in love.

         I am not being a lover with an alter ego in conflict, I just don't want to lose the memory of our first kiss that ardently ripped out of me the inhospitable being in me and rescued the sublime enchant that I once lost in my empty experiences. Truth is that I want everything at the same time and too quick, the whole pleases me and I end up losing peace. There is a confusion pecking like an amount of birds inside me, I want to take flight, but next to the one I got attached to, obviously you. Is it too much to leave just now that my life is being recovered by your side? I took roots in your land of life, the arid climate reached your moment and there it goes the growth of feeling. Feeling is needed and I only feel when you touch me, if you don't, I let it go. Maybe that's it: to let it go what didn't produce absolutely nothing in life.

          I don't want to lose you. But if our fate is to throw to the wind the eternity that I've spent in the stages of your heart, so be it, I will respect this choice. Even because the moment is made of choices that can bring or not serious consequences. Or the sequency of a new story. I just want to understand what you felt by feeling me... Was it hard like the world? But you were my world and still is, I destroyed my own universe to align myself to your planets. I don't know, everything is so confusing, illogical, inconstant. We are uncertain beings. Time is uncertain and runs like the man who's afraid of death. I still don't want to lose you! For now I'll be here alone dancing with the winds the dance of absence, I hope you take something mine in your chest; I will be absent from myself, I will let it constantly flow and will make everything so this pain won't run in my veins. Well, I think I already lost you.

          This post is dedicated to everyone that has already lost and missed something or someone. This pictures are from the spectacle “Adeus, Clarice!” hosted on August 5th and 6th of 2016 at Arena Theater.